I started the year thinking I ought to further cut down on spending money so that I can rebuild my finances to a healthy state (emergency fund, monthly savings for kid, monthly allowances for my parents, and putting aside a little money to dabble in investment).
But, my fingers went clicking on the keyboard and together with my eyes, they bought off-peak flight tickets to Phuket and booked a family and budget-friendly accommodation recommended by AI. So off we go to Phuket in May over one of the long weekends, my parents frowning and worried for our safety.
It was fantastic – the sun blazing, the cool weather after an afternoon rain shower, the 8 pools and 3 curly-wily slides, the beach and giant waves, the sand, the giant donut float and the frisbee, the delicious Thai food and just spending time with each other, navigating hangry tantrums, building trust and growing even closer.
Travelling together forces me to slow down even more, to be more patient with and kind towards ourselves, and to fully absorb all the small joys. I hope to one day hike mountains and shred snow alongside my child, and we would eat such simple yet delicious food to our hearts delight.
I’ve always wanted to be a person who is well-read, but I have plenty of excuses – books can be expensive, they’re heavy to carry around, and reading on a moving vehicle is bad for my eyes.
But I have no excuses with audiobooks. I love listening to audiobooks and podcasts, especially when they’re narrated by the authors themselves—like Michelle Obama, James Doty, or Belle Burden—or by people with a calming, soothing voice.
I started listening to podcasts that interested me during my long commute—The Daily, The Splendid Table, BBC News, Economist Podcasts, and Franklin Covey On Leadership. One after another, they became my escape from the loneliness I felt back then. When I was caring for a young child, I didn’t have time for newspapers or books. I prioritised sleep and being fully present for my kid instead.
Reading via Libby
Now that my divorce is mostly done and I have more mental bandwidth, I’ve committed to reading more books. (I’ve also emphasized reading to my kids, so I better lead by example!) I became more active with the Libby app.
Libby is a free app where you can borrow ebooks, digital audiobooks, and magazines from your public library. I linked my library card and started borrowing multiple books at once.
The best part? Books return automatically after 3 weeks. I can renew loans, put books on hold, and keep borrowing without guilt or late fees.
Connecting the Dots
Great books and recommendations come from blogs and podcasts. Imagine random dots on a wall—podcasts –> authors/writers –> books –> borrowing in Libby –> open mind –> personal and professional growth.
This year, I heard neurosurgeon James Doty speak on the Mel Robbins podcast. I was curious about his book, and Libby had the audio version.
“Into the Magic Shop” was a great listen. It’s part memoir, part self-help, part science—about when James was growing up with little, how he learnt to focus the mind, becoming successful, and arriving at compassion.
Hearing James narrate his own book was comforting and motivating, especially during hard moments when I was recovering from feeling anger and unjust at court documents and guilt about leaving a marriage that no longer worked for me.
What books have you read recently? Which ones would you recommend?
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Therapy and counselling was one of my lifelines as I navigate divorce, parenting, work stress, and all the emotions in between. In this post, I want to share honestly how counselling, practical coping strategies and a small faith have helped me keep going.
I count my blessings.
Starting Counselling
In early 2023, I started speaking with a counsellor for self-management, to cope better with the stressors I felt then. The main stress came from work, and from the pressure I put on myself to fill big shoes in my role. The counselling place was recommended by an ex-colleague I was not even close to. I decided to give it a try and see how things would go.
I squeezed those in-person sessions into my lunch breaks when I was in the office. That way, counselling did not take up my evenings, when I switched to 100% mom-mode. I would take a taxi to and from the office to make each session, and I often wondered how sustainable that arrangement would be.
Counselling and therapy are not cheap. Market rates for counselling sessions averaged about SGD200 an hour then (and they still do, as with many professional services). I felt grateful that my sessions were offered at an affordable flat rate. That helped ease the guilt I felt about spending money on myself and my own mental health.
Navigating Divorce with Support
In the middle of 2023, months after I filed for divorce, my counsellor recommended another counsellor because she would be unavailable for a while. I did not overthink it. I knew I needed someone I could talk to, and someone who could help me build coping strategies as I walked through divorce and parenting changes.
I met the next counsellor online, almost monthly, for about two years during my divorce proceedings. She listened closely and spoke clearly, gently, and firmly. She teared when I cried my eyes out. Our counselling sessions touched on my faith in God now and then, always at the right time and never in a way that felt imposing. That combination of therapy, faith, and steady emotional support helped me pull through those difficult days.
Parenting, Counselling, and Child-Focused Therapy
Fast forward to today, I recently reconnected with my counsellor. This happened mainly because my child’s father decided to withdraw consent for government-funded counselling for parent and child. It feels like a huge shame, because those alternating sessions — each parent taking turns with our child to attend the child-focused therapy at the family service centre, were going well. Those sessions gave my child an opportunity to freely express himself and losing this option felt painful.
Where I Am Now
Now my sessions with my counsellor focus on parenting coping strategies and personal growth. We continue to work on identifying when I am in a hyper-aroused state, how to down-regulate, and how to respond with grace instead of from panic or anger. For personal growth, we talk about moving beyond pure survival and allowing myself to imagine a life that feels calm, rooted, and hopeful.
Finding a counsellor or therapist you can be your authentic self with takes effort (and maybe some luck). It can feel tiring to start again, retell your story, and hope that this time the person will really see you. At the same time, I am learning that it is also on me to keep a teachable, open spirit, so that I can keep growing into a better version of myself for the people who love me and rely on me.
Have you tried counselling or therapy? How was that for you?
