Therapy

Therapy and counselling was one of my lifelines as I navigate divorce, parenting, work stress, and all the emotions in between. In this post, I want to share honestly how counselling, practical coping strategies and a small faith have helped me keep going.

I count my blessings.

Starting Counselling

In early 2023, I started speaking with a counsellor for self-management, to cope better with the stressors I felt then. The main stress came from work, and from the pressure I put on myself to fill big shoes in my role. The counselling place was recommended by an ex-colleague I was not even close to. I decided to give it a try and see how things would go.

I squeezed those in-person sessions into my lunch breaks when I was in the office. That way, counselling did not take up my evenings, when I switched to 100% mom-mode. I would take a taxi to and from the office to make each session, and I often wondered how sustainable that arrangement would be.

Counselling and therapy are not cheap. Market rates for counselling sessions averaged about SGD200 an hour then (and they still do, as with many professional services). I felt grateful that my sessions were offered at an affordable flat rate. That helped ease the guilt I felt about spending money on myself and my own mental health.

Navigating Divorce with Support

In the middle of 2023, months after I filed for divorce, my counsellor recommended another counsellor because she would be unavailable for a while. I did not overthink it. I knew I needed someone I could talk to, and someone who could help me build coping strategies as I walked through divorce and parenting changes.

I met the next counsellor online, almost monthly, for about two years during my divorce proceedings. She listened closely and spoke clearly, gently, and firmly. She teared when I cried my eyes out. Our counselling sessions touched on my faith in God now and then, always at the right time and never in a way that felt imposing. That combination of therapy, faith, and steady emotional support helped me pull through those difficult days.

Parenting, Counselling, and Child-Focused Therapy

Fast forward to today, I recently reconnected with my counsellor. This happened mainly because my child’s father decided to withdraw consent for government-funded counselling for parent and child. It feels like a huge shame, because those alternating sessions — each parent taking turns with our child to attend the child-focused therapy at the family service centre, were going well. Those sessions gave my child an opportunity to freely express himself and losing this option felt painful.

Where I Am Now

Now my sessions with my counsellor focus on parenting coping strategies and personal growth. We continue to work on identifying when I am in a hyper-aroused state, how to down-regulate, and how to respond with grace instead of from panic or anger. For personal growth, we talk about moving beyond pure survival and allowing myself to imagine a life that feels calm, rooted, and hopeful.

Finding a counsellor or therapist you can be your authentic self with takes effort (and maybe some luck). It can feel tiring to start again, retell your story, and hope that this time the person will really see you. At the same time, I am learning that it is also on me to keep a teachable, open spirit, so that I can keep growing into a better version of myself for the people who love me and rely on me.

Have you tried counselling or therapy? How was that for you?